10 Things I Hate About You
by Spikeworshiper
Summary: Exactly like the movie, except Yu-Gi-Oh! style.
1. Intro

**Disclaimer:**I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or 10 Things I Hate About You. So don't sue me.

**A few things to know:** This is not at all like Yu-Gi-Oh! in parts. Mai goes to Domino and she is sisters with Serenity. Okay?

* * *

Welcome to Domino High School, your typical urban-suburban high school in Domino City, Japan. Smarties, skids, preppies, granolas, loners, lovers and the in and out crowds all rub sleep out of their eyes every morning and head to class.

One this very fine day a car pulls into the student parking lot. Out steps Mai Valentine, a pretty girl, but trying hard not to be. Walking along the stone bath leading to the main building, she is clipped by a stray skateboard, causing the contents of her bag to fly everywhere. The kid who was riding it runs over, beginning to tremble when he sees who he has hit.

"Hey...sorry," he says, bending down to help her pick up her belongings.

"Leave it." She says, but the kid doesn't listen. "I said, leave it!"

She grabs his skateboard, pushing him against a car. He wimpers and she lets him go, shoving his skateboard into his hands. Looking towards doors, a crowd has formed. Either way, she marches towards the school, slamming the doors behind her.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the girls room, Serenity, a beautiful sophomore, is applying lipstick. Her less extraordinary, but still cute friend, Tea is right beside her.

"Did you change your hair?" asks Serenity.

"No," says Tea, fingering her straight brown hair.

"You might wanna think about it."

Serenity leaves the girls room, Tea behind her, acting like nothing happened. Serenity is immediately greeted by an admiring crowd. Tea stands unnoticed by her side as Serenity smiles proudly, acknowledging her fans.

In the guidance counselor's office, Yugi Moto sits facing Ms. Perky, an impossibly cheery guidance counselor. He just moved to Domino City from America.

He's quiet as she continues typing. Finally, after what seems like a long time, she looks up.

"I'm sure you won't find Domino any different from your old school. There's the same old asswipe mother-fuckers everywhere." Even while saying this, the plastic smile never leaves her face. Yugi fidgets uncomfortably in his seat.

"Any questions?" Ms. Perky asks.

"I don't think so, ma'am," says Yugi, still trying to be polite.

"Then go forth. Scoot. I have deviants to see."

Yugi rises to leave and bumps into Joey Wheeler, a sullen-looking badass senior. Ms. Perky waves him in as Yugi leaves.

"Joey Wheeler...I see we're making our visits a weekly ritual."

"I missed you," Joey says, smiling.

"It says here that you exposed yourself to a group of freshman girls."

"It was bratwurst. I was eating lunch."

"With the teeth of your zipper?"

* * *

Outside, Yugi bumps into Ryou Bakura, a lanky, brainy senior who will either end up politician or game show host.

"Are you the new guy?" Ryou asks.

"So they tell me..."

"C'mon, I'm supposed to give you the tour.


	2. The Tour

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or 10 Things I Hate About You.

* * *

Yugi and Ryou head out into the busy hall of people. Ryou attempts to make conversation with the new student.

"So, where in America are you from?"

"North Dakota. Wait...how did you know?"

"I was kidding." Ryou laughs, then realizes that Yugi is serious. "Wow...you mean, people actually live there?"

"Yeah, a couple. We're outnumbered by cows, though."

"How many people were at your old school?"

"Thirty-two."

Ryou anime drops behind Yugi, but quickly regains composure. "Get out!"

Yugi looks puzzled.

"How many go here?"

"A couple thousand. Most of them evil."

Ryou steers Yugi through the crowd as he points to the various cliques.

"Here we've got your basic beautiful people. Unless they talk to you first, don't bother." They watch the cheerleaders and jocks walk by and are greeted by several Stetson-wearing, big belt buckles.

"Those are your cowboys."

"I'm used to them."

"Yeah, but these guys have never ridden a horse. They mostly jack off Clint Eastwood."

Next they pass an espresso cart, with a group of people huddled around it.

"To the right, we have the coffee kids. They're very edgy. Don't make any sudden movements around them."

Walking into the high school's courtyard, they see several white boys with dreadlocks and Jamaican knit berets lounging on the grass. A cloud of pot smoke hovers above them.

"These delusionals are the White Rastae. Big Marley fans. Think they're black. Semi-political, but mostly, they watch a lot of Wild Kingdom, if you know what I mean."

Ryou waves to Marik, the one with the longest dreads.

"Marik – save some for after lunch, bub," says Ryou, punching him lightly on the arm.

"Ryou, my brother, peace," says Marik, clearly very stoned.

Yugi follows Ryou into the cafeteria.

"So where do you fit in in all this?" asks Yugi.

Ryou walks over and sits down with a group of studious-looking students.

"Future MBA's. We're all Ivy League, already excepted. Someday I'll be sipping Merlot while the jocks are fixing my Saab. Yuppie greed is back, my friend."

Ryou points proudly to the alligator on his shirt and continues talking. Yugi, on the other hand, stops listening as he spies Serenity walking by. He instantly falls in love with her.

"That girl, I..." Yugi trails off.

"You burn, you pine, you perish?" Ryou asks. Yugi nods.

"Who is she?"

"Serenity Valentine. Sophomore. Don't even think about it."

"Why not?" asks Yugi.

"I could start with your haircut, but it doesn't matter. She's not allowed to date until her older sister does. And that's an impossibility.


	3. Excellant Guidance

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or 10 Things I Hate About You.

* * *

Enter the land of verbs, novels, and nouns. Otherwise known as English class. The room is full of bored seniors, who are doodling and staring off into space. Ms. Blaise, they're older-then-the-dinosaurs teacher tries to figure out where she was.

"Well then. Oh yes. I guess that does it for our analysis of 'The Old Man and the Sea.' Any other comments," she pauses until Mai puts up her hand. "Mai?" she asks, with dread.

"Why did we just read 'The Hardy Boys'?" asks Mai.

"I'm sorry?" asks Ms. Blaise, puzzled.

"This book is about a guy and his fishing habit. Not exactly a crucial topic." Mai continues, ignoring groans from the other students. "Frankly, I'm baffled as to why we still revere Hemingway. He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who had a lot of cats."

Seto Kaiba, a well-muscled jock with great cheekbones decides to give his two-cents. "As opposed to a self-righteous hag who has no friends?" Mai ignores him.

"That's enough, Mr. Kaiba," says Ms. Blaise.

"I guess the school board thinks that because Hemingway's a male and an asshole that he's worthy of our time," Mai continues, getting really fired up.

"What about Colette? Charlotte Bronte? Simone de Beauvoir?" Mai asks.

"Mother Goose?" asks Joey, laughing.

* * *

Mai now sits in the guidance room, along with Ms. Perky.

"Mai Valentine. My, my...you've been terrorizing Ms. Blaise again."

"Expressing my opinion is not a terrorist action," says Mai.

"Well, yes, compared to your other choices of expression this year, today's events are quite mild. By the way, Rex Raptor's gonad retrieval operation went quite well, in case you're interested."

"I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls," retorts Mai. "I was merely a spectator."

"The point is, Mai – people perceive you as somewhat..." Ms. Perky trails off.

"Tempestuous?" contributes Mai

"Heinous bitch is the term used most often." Ms. Perky grimaces, then goes back to her plastic smile. "You might want to work on it."

Mai rises from her chair with a smile matching Ms. Perky's. "As always, thank you for your excellent guidance."


	4. Of William Shakespeare and Joey Wheeler

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or 10 Things I Hate About You

* * *

On the far side of the school Serenity sits in yet another English class, dying of boredom. As the teacher talks about Shakespeare, Serenity quickly passes a note to Tea. Opening it up, Tea reads the words scribbled on in Serenity's neat handwriting. 'Seto Kaiba said hello to me in the hall! Oh my god!' Tea frowns to herself, but is interrupted when the teacher calls on her friend.

"Ms. Valentine, do you care to comment on what you've read?"

"Not really," Serenity says, flashing him a daddy's little angel smile.

The teacher lets her go and turns towards the back of the class where Ishizu sits, trying to slit her wrist with the plastic spiral of her notebook.

"Ishizu – since you're assisting us you might as well comment. I'm assuming you read the assignment."

"Uh, yeah. I read it all."

"The whole play?"

"The whole folio. All the plays."

"You've read every play by William Shakespeare?" The teacher asks, disbelieving.

"Haven't you?"

* * *

Later that day, at lunch time Mai and Ishizu sit together alone in a far-off corner of the court yard. The two of them are sharing a carton of yogurt with gusto.

"Your sister is so amazingly without. She'll never read him. She has no idea," Ishizu laments.

"The fact that you're cutting gym so you can take Sophomore English just so you can hear his name is a little without in itself, if you ask me," Mai attacks.

Mai's attention is caught by Joey, who is walking by with a bunch of friends, lighting a cigarette. Ishizu notices her staring.

"Who's that?" she asks Mai.

"Joey Wheeler. Random skid."

"That's Joey Wheeler? The one who was gone for a year?" Ishizu asks. "I heard he was doing porn movies."

"I'm sure he's completely incapable of doing anything that interesting."

"He always looks so..." Ishizu searches for the word.

"Block E?" Mai contributes. Ishizu nods and Mai shoves the yogurt into her hand.

"Ishizu, eat. Starving yourself is a very slow way to die."

"Just a little." Ishizu begins to eat, and Mai notices her wrist.

"What's that?"

"An attempted slit."

Mai stares at her, wide-eyed.

"I realize that the men of this fine institution are severely lacking, but killing yourself so you can be with William Shakespeare is beyond the scope of normal teenage obsessions. You're venturing far past daytime talk show fodder and entering the world of those who need very expensive therapy."

"But imagine the things he'd say during sex." Ishizu sighs longingly as Mai anime drops behind her.

"Okay, say you do it. You kill yourself, you end up in wherever you end up and he's there. Do you really think he's gonna wanna date a ninety pound compulsive who failed volleyball?" asks Mai, sounding meaner then she meant to. Fortunately for her, Ishizu is watching what's going on with Serenity.

* * *

"Lookin good, ladies," says Seto as Serenity and Tea walk past him. Serenity smiles her coyest of smiles.

* * *

"It's tragic," says Ishizu after watching the scenario.


	5. How to Dodge a Car

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or 10 Things I Hate About You

* * *

Yugi, who had been watching Serenity's every move like a hawk, turns back to Ryou, looking just a little depressed.

"Why do girls like that always like guys like that?" asks Yugi.

"Because they're bred to. Their mothers liked guys like that, and their grandmothers before them. Their gene pool is rarely diluted."

Yugi had long-since stopped listening to Ryou. He was now focusing on Kaiba.

"Does he always have that shit-eating grin?"

Ryou follows Yugi's gaze. "Seto Kaiba? Perma-shit-grin. I wish I could say he's a moron, but he's number twelve in the class. And a model. Mostly regional stuff, but he's rumored to have a big tube sock ad coming out."

Just then, the bell rings and Ryou and Yugi head to class. Yugi tries to get a glimpse of Serenity as she walks back inside. Ryou finally realizes how desperate Yugi is and makes a suggestion.

"Do you speak French?"

"Sure I do, my mom's from Canada."

"Well guess who just signed up for a tutor?"

"You mean, I'd get a chance to talk to her?" Yugi asks, hopeful.

"You could consecrate with her, my friend."

* * *

Mai and Ishizu are walking towards Mai's car just as Kaiba pulls up in his viper.

"The vintage look is over, Mai. Haven't you been reading your Sassy?"

"Yeah, and I noticed the only part of you featured in your big Kmart spread was your elbow. Tough break," Mai shoots back.

"They're running the rest of me next month!" Kaiba pratically spits out.

Mai opens the door to her car as Kaiba drives away. Ishizu has been busy tying a scarf around her head.

"The people at this school are so incredibly foul," says Mai, irritated.

"You could always go with me. I'm sure William has some friends."

* * *

"Need a ride, ladies?" asks Kaiba, who has found his next victims.

Serenity and Tea hop in fast. Kaiba pulls away with a smile.

* * *

"That's a charming new development," remarks Ishizu, lowering her sunglasses to get a better view of Serenity and Kaiba.

Mai doesn't answer. Instead she reaches over and puts a CD in the player. As they pull out, Ryou crosses in front of them on his moped. Mai slams on the breaks to keep from hitting him.

"Remove head from sphincter! Then pedal!" Mai yells.

Ryou begins pedelling faster, scared of the wrath of Mai. Mai peels by, angry at the delay as Yugi rushes over to his friend.

"Are you all right?" he asks, catching up to him.

"Yeah. Just a minor encounter with the shrew."

"That's Serenity's sister?" asks Yugi incredulously.

"The mewling, rampalian wretch herself."

Ryou pedals off, leaving Yugi to dodge Joey's grimy, grey jeep.


	6. The Sounds of Dating

I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or 10 Things I Hate About You.

* * *

Mai sits at her computer screen, typing. _Undulating with desire, Adrienne removes her crimson cape, revealing her creamy – _Mai stops typing, just as her father walks in the door.

"I hope dinner'r ready because I only have ten minutes until Mrs. Johnson squirts out a screamer."

"It's in the mircrowave."

Her father flips through the mail, then turns to her.

"Make anyone cry today?"

"No, but it's only 4:30."

Just then, Serenity walks in the room. Mai pounces.

"Where've you been?"

"Nowhere..." Serenity says, seeing that her father is in the room. "Hi daddy."

"Hello precious," he says, kissing her on the cheek.

"How touching," remarks Mai as she heads up the stairs. Just then, her dad stops her.

"What's this?" he asks, holding up a piece of mail. "It says Sarah Lawrence."

"I guess I got in," Mai says casually, snatching it away from her father.

"Sarah Lawrence is in a different country."

"I know."

"I thought we decided that we were going to go to school here. At the University of Tokyo."

"No. You decided."

"Is there even a question that we want her to stay?" Serenity pipes in, smiling innocently.

"Ask Serenity who drove her home."

"Who drove you home?" he asks Serenity.

"Now, daddy, don't get mad. But there's this boy...and I think he might ask...

"No! You're not dating until your sister starts dating. End of discussion."

This answer clearly does not satisfy Serenity. "What if she never starts dating?"

"Then neither will you and I'll get to sleep at night."

"But it's not fair- she's a mutant, daddy!"

"This is from someone whose diary is devoted to favorite grooming tips?" Mai butts in.

"Enough!" says their father, reaching into his bag and pulling out a tape recorder. "Do you know what this is?"

"The sounds of a fifteen year old girl in labor..." the two sisters drone together as shrieks of pain emanate from the object.

"This is exactly why you're not dating until your sister does."

"But she doesn't want to date!" Serenity protests.

"Exactly my point." Just then, his beeper goes off and he grabs his bag.

"Jesus! Can a man even grab a sandwich before you women start dilating?" he mutters to himself as he walks out the door.


End file.
